Humor Animal...

[dred]

porquê que as galinhas chocam?














porque nao têm travões :D:D:D:D

[Cari]

Cá vai uma:

Um dia, numa floresta, um sapo magico estava numa lagoa e como nunca tinha visto outro animal na sua vida, ao ver passar um urso atrás de um coelho, o sapo então ordenou que os dois parassem. E disse:
- Visto serem os dois únicos animais que eu já vi, concederei a ambos três desejos. Urso, você começa.
O urso pensou por um minuto e, sendo macho, disse:
- Desejo que todos os ursos dessa floresta, com excepção de mim, tornem-se fêmeas.
E o desejo foi atendido. O coelho, pelo seu primeiro desejo, pediu um capacete, foi atendido e imediatamente vestiu-o. O urso ficou admirado com a estupidez do coelho, desperdiçando um desejo assim.
Era a vez do urso pedir o segundo desejo:
- Bem, eu desejo que todos os ursos da floresta vizinha se tornem fêmeas também.
O desejo foi atendido e o coelho rapidamente pediu uma motocicleta.
Prontamente ela apareceu - o coelho subiu nela e ligou o motor. O urso estava chocado com o coelho pedindo aquelas coisas estúpidas... pois afinal, o coelho poderia ter pedido dinheiro e facilmente comprar uma moto mais tarde...
Pelo seu último desejo, o urso pensou um pouco e disse:
- Desejo que todos os ursos do mundo, com excepção a mim, tornem-se fêmeas.
O coelho engatou a 1a. marcha, acelerou e, enquanto saia, gritou:
- Eu desejo que esse urso seja gay!!!

[Misswhite]

Essa anedota está demais!!!!!!!!!!!!




Continuem e fiquem bem.

[Indiia]

uma boa e descançada noite para todos.
aqui vai uma curta:

se as ferraduras dessem sorte, os burros não puchavam carroças.
.............
sabem qual é a melhor maneira de um elefante se esconder em plena Lisboa?usando óculos escuros.





já alguma vez viram um elefante em plena baixa de Lisboa?não?!!então parece que funciona.
...............
porque é que os os elefantes pintam os testículos de vermelho na selva?
para se esconderem nas cerejeiras.


sabem qual é o som mais alto que se pode ouvir na selva?um nativo a comer cerejas.


sabem como é que o Tarzan morreu?não sabem mesmo?!morreu a apanhar cerejas.
.........................
um tuguinha vai a espanha, na semana da tourada, e vai a restaurante almoçar,na ementa vê um prato estranho e cativador.
chama o empregado de mesa e pergunta
-diga-me lá ô shor, que prato é este;cojones?
o empregado responde
-são testículos de touro, que vêem acompanhados com arroz e salada, com molho especial.
diz o tuga
-pois pode sermesmo isso.
o prato vem e ele come bem, e satisfeito com o "petiso" decide ir ao restaurante em causa comer no próximo dia, e assim foi.
chega ao restaurante o nosso tuga e senta-se para comer e pede os tais cojones, o cojones chegam e ele exclama
- ô shor, estes cojones são consideravelmente mais pequenos do que os de ontem.
e o empregado diz
-sabe, é que nem sempre é o mesmo animal a morrer nas touradas. lol lol lol

[lapinrouge]

Quando o elefante entrou, pela primeira vez num campo de nudistas, perguntou admirado ao primeiro homem que encontrou:

- Ouve lá... como é que tu, com uma tromba tão pequena, consegues levar o comer à boca!?

[gengibrecanela]

David Letterman's Top 10 Signs You've Gone To a Bad Veterinarian
1-When you hand him your cat, he asks uncomfortably, "Monkey?"
2- Two weeks later, your dog coughs up a rubber glove.
3- Big sign in waiting room: No Pets Allowed!
4- Diploma looks a lot like menu from Chinese restaurant.
5- Always saying "I've got a tick in my pants."
6- Sends you a card every spring: "Time for your dog's annual neutering."
7- First question, "What ails your varmint?"
8- He has a lot of posters up advertising cockfights.
9- He himself wears one of those big funnel shaped dog collars.
10- He bites!

How to Photograph Your Puppy
1- Remove film from box and load camera.
2- Remove film box from puppy's month and throw in trash.
3- Remove puppy from trash and brush coffee grounds from muzzle.
4- Choose a suitable background for photo.
5- Mount camera on tripod, check flash and focus.
6- Find puppy and take dirty sock from mouth.
7- Place puppy in pre-focused spot and return to camera.
8- Forget about spot and crawl after puppy on knees.
9- Focus with one hand while fending off puppy with other hand.
10- Get tissue and clean nose print from lens.
11- Put cat outside and put peroxide on the scratch on puppy's nose.
12- Put magazines back on coffee table.
13- Try to get puppy's attention by squeaking toy over your head.
14- Replace your glasses and check camera for damage.
15- Jump up in time to grab puppy by scruff of neck and say- "No, no outside!"
16- Call spouse to help clean up the mess.
17- Fix a drink.
18- Sit back in chair, put your feet up, sip your drink and resolve to teach puppy "sit" and "stay" the first thing in the morning.

[Indiia]

estão as dua mt boas, e não percam o próximo episódio que nós tb não.

[dred]

o tarzan encontra o rato e diz-le: tao pequeno e com bigode

ao que le responde o rato: tao grande e com fralda

espero que gostem

[gengibrecanela]

Olá.
Pelos vistos andam para aqui a dar umas boas gargalhadas.
Espero que gostem desta.

How Many Dogs Does it Take To Change a Light Bulb?
-Afghan-
Light bulb? What light bulb?
-Australian Shepherd-
Put all the bulbs in a little circle ...
-Beagle-
Light bulb? Light bulb? That thing I ate was a light bulb?
-Border Collie-
Just one? And I'll replace any wiring that's not up to code.
-Chihuahua-
Yo quiero Taco Bulb.
-Cocker Spaniel-
Why change it? I can still pee on the carpet in the dark.
-Dachshund-
I can't reach the stupid lamp!
-Doberman Pinscher-
While it's dark, I'm going to sleep on the couch.
-Greyhound-
It isn't moving. Who cares?
-Golden Retriever-
The sun is shining, the day is young, we've got our whole lives ahead of us, and you're worrying about a stupid burned-out light bulb?
-Hound Dog-
Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.
-Irish Wolfhound-
Can somebody else do it? I've got a hangover.
-Labrador-
Oh, me, me!!!! Pleeeeeeze let me change the light bulb!!! Can I? Can I? Huh? Huh? Can I?
-Mastiff-
Mastiffs are NOT afraid of the dark.
-Malamute-
Let the Border Collie do it. You can feed me while he's busy.
-Pointer-
I see it! There it is! Right there!
-Rottweiller-
Go Ahead! Make me!
-Shitzu-
Puh-leeez, dahling. I have servants for that kind of thing.
-Toy Poodle-
I'll just blow in the Border Collie's ear and he'll do it. By the time he finishes rewiring the house, my nails will be dry.
-Cat-
You need light to see?

:p :p :p

[Indiia]

uma senhora, tinha duas araras que só diziam isto"olá somos prustitutas, vamos divertirnos?"e a senhora mt preocupada decidiu ir queixar-se ao padre;"senhor padre, estou mt preocupada com as minhas araras, elas sá sabem dizer:ola somos prostitutas, vamos divertirnos?eu já não sei o que fazer, senhor padre"
e o padre diz à senhora"traga cá à paróquia as suas aves, que eu tenho dois papagaios que só sabem rezar e estudar o ofício do senhor, decerteza que ficam melhores se as trouxer para aqui"
e assim foi, a dita senhora levou as ditas aves à paróqui. nesse momento em que a senhora entrou com as aves, os papagaios estavam a rezar o terço, mas logo pararam pois o padre meteu as avezinhas na gaiola dos papagaios, logos elas disseram"ola somos prostitutas, vamos divertirnos?"e um papagaio virase para o outro e diz"finalmente as nossas presses foram ouvidas"

espero que tenham gostado, uma boa noite para todos

[gengibrecanela]

Olá.
Achei que deviamos falar de coisas sérias; porque não da criação de todas as coisas?

On the first day of creation, God created the dog.
On the second day, God created man to serve the dog.
On the third day, God created all the animals of the earth (especially the horse) to serve as potential food for the dog.
On the fourth day, God created honest toil so that man could labour for the good of the dog.
On the fifth day, God created the tennis ball so that the dog might or might not retrieve it.
On the sixth day, God created veterinary science to keep the dog healthy and the man broke.
On the seventh day, God tried to rest, but He had to walk the dog.

Que tal?

[Misswhite]

TÁ UM MÁXIMO!!!

[gengibrecanela]

Olá.
Esta anedota é uma das mais fantásticas que li nos últimos tempos.

A Dog Named Sex

Everybody who has a dog calls him "Rover" or "Boy". I call mine Sex. Sex has been embarrassing to me. When I went to City Hall to renew his license, I told the clerk I would like to have a license for Sex; he said he would like one too.

Then I said, "But this is a dog." He said he didn't care what she looked like. Then I said, "You don't understand. I have had Sex since I was 9 years old." He said I must have been quite a kid.

When I got married and went on my honeymoon, I took the dog with me. I told the clerk that I wanted a room for my wife and me, and a special room for Sex.

He said that every room in the place was for sex. I said, "You don't understand, Sex keeps me awake at night." The clerk said, "Me too."

One day I entered Sex in a contest, but before the competition began, the dog ran away and a contestant asked me why I was standing there looking around. I told him I had planned to have Sex in the contest. He told me that I should have sold my own tickets. "But you don't understand," I said, "I hoped to have Sex on TV." He called me a show-off.

When my wife and I separated, we went to court to fight for custody of the dog.

I said, "Your Honor, I had Sex before I was married." The judge said, "Me too." Then I told him that after I was separated, Sex left me. He said "Me too."

Last night Sex ran off again. I spent hours looking around town for him. A cop came over to me and asked me, "What are you doing in this alley at 400 in the morning." I said, "I am looking for Sex." My case comes up on Friday.

Acho hilariante.
Espero que gostem.

[Misswhite]

Ainda mais fixe que a outra!!!

[gengibrecanela]

Olá, olá..
Tirei mais uma piada do meu arquivo para alegrar este belo dia. Espero que gostem.

PET HUMOR
Mind Games Dogs Play With Humans
-After your humans give you a bath, DON'T LET THEM TOWEL DRY YOU! Instead,
run to their bed, jump up and dry yourself off on the sheets. This is
especially good if it's right before your humans bedtime.
-Act like a convicted criminal. When the humans come home, put your ears
back, tail between your legs, chin down and act as if you have done
something really bad. Then, watch as the humans frantically search the
house for the damage they think you have caused. (Note: This only works
when you have done absolutely nothing wrong.)
-Let the humans teach you a brand new trick. Learn it perfectly. Then the
humans try to demonstrate it to someone else, stare blankly back at the
humans. Pretend you have no idea what they're talking about.
-Make your humans be patient. When you go outside to go 'pee,' sniff around
the entire yard as your humans wait. Act as if the spot you choose to go
pee will ultimately decide the fate of the earth.
-Draw attention to the human. When out for a walk always pick the busiest,
most visible spot to go 'poo.' Take your time and make sure everyone
watches. This works particularly well if your humans have forgotten to
bring a plastic bag.
-When out for a walk, alternate between choking and coughing every time a
strange human walks by.
-Make your own rules. Don't always bring back the stick when playing fetch
with the humans. Make them go and chase it once in a while.
-Hide from your humans. When your humans come home, don't greet them at the
door. Instead, hide from them, and make them think something terrible has
happened to you. (Don't reappear until one of your humans is
panic-stricken and close to tears).
-When your human calls you to come back in, always take your time. Walk as
slowly as possible back to the door.
-Wake up twenty minutes before the alarm clock is set to go off and make
the humans take you out for your morning pee. As soon as you get back
inside, fall asleep. (Humans can rarely fall back asleep after going
outside, this will drive them nuts!)

Rir faz bem à saúde.